EP65 – Expectation, Assumption, Presumption
Is it dangerous to have expectations or assumption of others? Is it a natural process that cannot be avoided.
There are moments when expectations can be good, for example, a teacher who predicts your future grades can help define a target for you to achieve, like a target and challenge.
Now that a good example of an expectation, the other side is achieving those predicted grades and hearing ” you’re supposed to get that”.
Expectation vs Reality
We all have seen the videos or photos taking a comical poke at expectation vs reality, and it speaks so true about life.
Unfortunately, as humans, we can not predict the outcome of certain scenarios and as a result, when we don’t meet the expectation the likely outcome is disappointment.
If you have been disappointed at someone not fulfilling your expectation perhaps you need to take a step back:-
- Listen to what they are saying
- Try to understand why they act or behaviour in a certain way
- Learn how to accept them for who they are, remember our difference is what makes us unique
- Avoid Assumptions
- Reflect internally, ever heard the “people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones”. Ask yourself do you fulfill your own expectations.
Different types of expectations
- Internal Expectations – e.g. What Should I achieve?
This is what usually guides us, through life, it’s the inner voice that sets us challenges and goals in life. Interestingly when you share your internal expectations with others it may be met with” you have high expectations of yourself”.
Now the question is, is it wrong to aim high especially if they are realistic expectation.
Dreams haven’t been pursued due to a person not fulfilling their own expectation, they perhaps may shy away from future goals some people give up on their dreams because they haven’t fulfilled their expectation.
It’s very hard to pick yourself back up after disappointment but the key is how do you evaluate on your progress.Question like:
- how far have I came?
- What do I need to do now to achieve it
- Do I need to make this more realistic?
- Outside Expectations – e.g. I/We expected youOutside forces can have an influence on you, especially social norms. Be careful not to fall into a trap of thinking because other people have completed something or taken a path that you have to too.
You are the only captain on your boat 24/7, so listen to yourself and don’t let other dictates which way you should sail next.
Learn how to be the captain of your own ship, steer it into the right direction; the direction and speed that is right for you.
It’s important you stay true to yourself, don’t change your characteristics to match the expectation people place on you, remember as well control over expectations needs to be actively worked on, alongside acceptance.
Sense when you are placing an expectation on future outcomes, try and displace it, and become aware of when you become upset/angry due to an expectation not being met. Take lessons from Directors/CEO who have to deal with meeting peoples expectation all the time, and the fact they understand they can’t please everyone. If someone is upset with you due to their expectation, don’t allow it to bother you too much.
One last important message is taken from one of our previous episode on the regret of the dying, one of the biggest regret was “Living up to other peoples expectation, and not living a life true to themselves”.
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